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04 Mar

They don’t start by evaluating whether another person is up to their standards before determining whether or not they’re worthy of taking pleasure from, but rather they find beauty everywhere.

When you put “objective hotness” on a pedestal because it kind of feels good to say that other people aren’t in your league, all you’re doing is denying yourself an ocean of available pleasure and ensuring that you’ll suck at flirting.

There’s the basic awe of another human being — who’s filled up with all the same feelings, thoughts, and demons — climbing up their own mountain in life.

There’s beauty in someone’s comfort with themselves, in their kindness, in their adventurous spirit, in the light of their eyes, in the dazzle of a genuine smile, in the way someone’s outfit highlights them, in the sound of a voice, in vulnerable dorkiness…

Because these confusing feelings are so often partnered with our attempts to flirt, before we can even talk about what sexual communication is, we have to first untangle the mess of what it isn’t.

The first confusing feeling people associate with flirting is anxiety.

There are some cultures where the majority of individuals do not suck at flirting, but most people don’t come from those cultures.

If it were just you, it’d be your fault — but it’s not.

Your “flirting” isn’t representative of the feelings of the moment, but rather of your fantasy.

The second confusing feeling people associate with flirting is insecurity.

As I’ll discuss in greater detail in an upcoming article, most of us aren’t enjoying enough sexual intimacy — whether emotional or physical.

and a million different things that are particular to every person.

The best flirts recognize that there is inherent beauty in every single human being.